Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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