somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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