I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
