Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
