I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
