I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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