don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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