I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
