I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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