I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
