Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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