I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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