I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
