I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
