I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
