Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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