Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
