We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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