she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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