I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
