now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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