What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
