i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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