if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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