ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
