I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
