What did we do last night that was yellow?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
