Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
