john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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