I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
