I'm jealous of your bromance
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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