Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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