I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
