It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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