oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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