Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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