just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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