Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
