i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
