eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
