dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
