You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
