Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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