Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
