My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
