birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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