I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
