I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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