I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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