Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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